A garland of quotations III
Culled from the finest jovials in literary history, and re-woven every Monday
Just think how many thoughts a blanket smothers while one lies alone in bed, and how many unhappy dreams it keeps warm.
•Franz Kafka, “Description of a Struggle” (1904-5).
It is a question whether war and anarchy and confusion be not preferable to the deceptive peace and apparent prosperity of despotism, that, like the death-dealing vampire, soothes while it destroys.
•Mayne Reid, The Boy Hunters (1853).
All Government (says he) is founded upon the right Distribution of Punishments; decent Executions keep the World in awe; for that Reason the Majority of Mankind ought to be hang’d every Year; for Example, I suppose, the Magistrate ought to pass an irreversible Sentence upon all blue-ey’d Children from the Cradle; but that there may be some shew of Justice in his proceeding, these Children ought to be Train’d up, by Masters appointed for that purpose, to all sorts of Villany, that they may deserve their Fate, and the Execution of them may serve as an Object of Terror to the rest of Mankind.
•John Arbuthnot, “John Bull Still in His Senses” (1712).
The safety of the city of Lampsacus was ensured by one act of cunning. When Alexander was wholly intent on destroying it, he saw his teacher Anaximenes coming towards him outside the walls; and in case his pleas should assuage his anger, he swore not to grant whatever he petitioned for. “Then,” said Anaximenes, “my petition is, that you should destroy Lampsacus.” His quick wits saved the city, so famous for its antiquity, from the destruction which was destined for it.
•Valerius Maximus, Memorable Deeds and Sayings (ca. 30)
Yes, if anyone’s Gordian love knot requires a blade more cutting than Alexander’s,
Let them call on Ann Landers.
•Ogden Nash, The Old Dog Barks Backwards (1972).
There are those who drink to drown their sorrows. Unfortunately, sorrow knows how to swim.
•Ann Landers, Wake Up and Smell the Coffee! (1996).
Not Alexander, in his highest Pride,
Could boast of Merits greater than Tom Thumb.
•Henry Fielding, Tom Thumb (1730).
If he wasn’t so strong, I’d give him a thrashing.
•Horatio Alger Jr., Brave and Bold; or, The Fortunes of Robert Rushton (1874).
I don’t like [Henry] Clay. He is a bad man, an imposter, a creator of wicked schemes. I wouldn’t speak to him, but by God, I love him!
•John C. Calhoun, quoted in Paul Johnson’s A History of the American People (1997).
For it is no thing into myn entent
To say the thing schall mak thame discontent
•The Quare of Jelusy (C15).
Sources: Kafka: The Complete Stories (Schocken, 1976); Arbuthnot: The History of John Bull (Oxford UP, 1976); Valerius Max.: trans. D. R. Shackleton Bailey, Memorable Deeds and Sayings vol. I (Harvard UP, 2000) (Loeb); some of this material is copyrighted, and I plead only fair use.