More terrible punning conundra
By the end they are pure filth, and I can only apologize
My formatting choice last time was incredibly unpopular, so I am now just placing the answer directly under the question, the way R.L. Stine would want.
As always, I have freely plagiarized myself, both my published and unpublished works. Furthermore, I went ahead and “beneath the fold” placed the previous set of conundra, reformatted so you can “enjoy” them this easier-to-read way.
Q: What kind of eggs come from ovaries?
A: Over-easy.
Q: What does a pirate from Boston say?
A: Ahhhhhh!
Q: Why couldn’t Harvey Dent drive home from the party?
A: He was too ’faced.
Q: Why are animated saplings so good for your health?
A: Because they’re new treants.
Q: What does Walt Whitman say when he wants a short-necked giraffid to hand over his Xeroxed page?
A: Okapi, my copy!
Q: What do you call it when Soren Kierkegaard dances the Dying Swan?
A: The Cygnus unto Death.
Q: What elder god gets shunned by the Puritans?
A: Hastur Prynn.
Q: Who was president of the US for the shortest amount of time?
A: FDR—because he was the thirty-second president.
Q: What makes movies but never moves?
A: Sessile B. DeMille.
Q: What's the difference between Hiccup and Thomas the Tank Engine?
A: One’s training a dragon and the other’s draggin’ a train.
Q: What’s the difference between a mushroom man and this child of mine?
A: One’s a myconid, and the other’s my own kid.
Q: What’s the difference between Audrey in Descendants 3 and Astyages in Herodotus?
A: One is the Queen of Mean, the other is the Median King.
Q: What's the difference between an Egyptian slave dynasty and Queen Amidala?
A: One’s the Mamluks and the other is Luke’s mom.
Q: What’s the difference between a petty thief and a tampon soaked in lemon juice?
A: A petty thief snatches purses.
Q: Who boasts too much Gen X ennui
To order wings at KFC?
A. Breast-eatin’ Ellis.
Q.: How are the sides of a triangle like Belle’s looks?
A: They have no parallel.
Q: What kind of sweet potatoes learn from painful experience to cultivate their garden?
A: Candide yams.
Q: Why do earrings fit into neutered kine on a jetty?
A: Because they’re pier steers.
Q: What is a Muslim’s favorite kind of anime?
A: Ones where the hero faces mecha.
Q: What popular children’s franchise is named for an indigent living under a bridge?
A: Pauper Troll
Q: Who said, “Don’t cry for me, pagan Russia”?
A: Eva Perun.
Q.: What award goes to the most decadent football player?
A: The Huysmans Trophy.
Q.: Why should you not let the X-Men carry your bags?
A: No one likes an uncanny valet.
Q: Why can you make tea with the River Spree?
A: It’s Berlin water.
Q: Where do you go to learn how to wall someone up in your wine cellar?
A: A Montresori school.
Q: How is a handshaking dog like what dreams may come?
A: They both must give us paws.
Q: Is it scary to peep at import duties?
A: Scary? It’s tariff eyeing!
Q: What does Rene Magritte say in an emergency?
A: This is not a drill
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